turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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