Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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