There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
