Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
