did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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