I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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