There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
