Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
