I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
