Operation Purity has been aborted
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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