Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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