I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
