so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
