dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
