I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
