fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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