Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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