I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
