so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
