Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
