I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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