i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
