Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
