I accidentally had phone sex last night
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
