Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
