Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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