Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
