Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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