i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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