this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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