I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
false alarm. still invincible.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
