Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
