suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
