3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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