I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
