Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
