Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
