Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
