Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
