You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
