I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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