btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
worst night to have a conscience
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
MIDGETS
????
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
