it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
