why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
