I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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