five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
