i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
