oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
