I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
