The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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