and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
