He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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